What You Tolerate, You Teach

I grew up in an environment where nobody suffered fools.

And while It was never explicitly said that "taking shit" from others wouldn’t be tolerated…

The actions of those around me spoke louder than any words could have.

On one side, I watched people dismantle tone-deaf arguments in three sentences—especially when it came to laziness in patient care or ignoring the realities of those less fortunate.

Grown adults would cry mid-conversation, caught off guard by the realization that good intentions weren’t enough—and that coming unprepared wasn’t just careless, it was a mistake you only made once.

On the other, I watched boundaries get set like allergic reactions to being taken advantage of. You were told once. You weren’t told twice.

It didn’t matter if it was business or family, if you came with half a plan and shaky intentions, it got clocked instantly.

There was no tolerance for corruption, dishonesty, or people shooting their mouth off about things they didn’t understand.

Nor, was there hesitation in pointing out when someone’s uncertainty became a liability no one was willing to absorb.

Every story I was told ended in a lesson about respect, integrity, and moving through the world as a force to be reckoned with—not a damsel waiting to be saved.

The message was clear:

You don’t let things that matter slide. 

You don’t shrink to be liked. 

And you sure as hell don’t tolerate what you don’t respect.

But even with that wiring, I still found myself at various points throughout life struggling with the very things I was taught to reject.

Building and leading teams is not for the faint of heart.

And in some moments it feels easier to give the benefit of the doubt than hold the line.

It’s easy to tell ourselves we are being patient.Avoiding unnecessary conflict. Giving people time.

But at the root of it—we just want to be loved and accepted more than we want to uphold our standards.

We all struggle with this.

It's human nature.

We bend our standards by 10% because it feels easier in the moment.

We let the comment slide, justify the underperformance, and soften our no’s.

Not realizing:

Every time we tolerate what misaligns with our values—we’re not just avoiding conflict. We’re reinforcing culture.

So here’s the self check:

If someone studied your team and culture tomorrow—what would they learn you tolerate?

Not what you say you value, what you actually allow.

• Where do you let clarity die in the name of kindness?

• Who’s performing halfway and still being rewarded?

• What behavior gets a pass because it’s inconvenient to address?

The answer to those questions is your curriculum and what you're teaching those around you.

And until you reconcile the gap between what you say you expect and what you tolerate…

You’ll keep creating a culture that confuses effort with excellence.

At the end of the day, the standards you compromise become the story you live inside.