The Hypocrisy List

“Where are all the ways I’m being a hypocrite?”

That was the title of the running Google doc I spent the entire weekend answering for myself.

I drank coffee and created a list of my current shortcomings and the consequences showing up in my life.

Not a particularly enjoyable way to spend a weekend.

But necessary.

Lately I’ve felt out of alignment, and whenever I get into this state one of the first symptoms is indecision.

I start dragging my feet and half-committing to things I already know I don’t want. 

And there’s no amount of positive self-talk or external perspective that fixes it.

The only thing that ever works is:

1. Identifying where I’ve been lying to myself

2. Deciding what I’m going to do about it

Now, getting to the point where you’re willing to admit your own behavior is part of the problem is easier said than done. 

It’s hard to read the label from inside the bottle and sometimes you don’t even realize that you’re blaming external circumstances or people. 

But when you zoom out, you realize that most of your frustrations are coming from the gap between what you say you value and what your behavior actually reinforces.

And the behavior typically doesn’t look careless or irresponsible… it’s actually quite reasonable. 

It looks like:

• Saying you value responsibility, but rushing in to fix things for people instead of letting make their own decisions.

• Saying you value honesty, but softening what you really mean so no one feels uncomfortable.

• Saying you value your time, but immediately saying yes when someone asks for help because it feels easier than disappointing them.

• Saying you value accountability, but over-explaining decisions hoping everyone will agree.

• Saying you value peace, but avoiding conflict and calling it patience.

• Or saying you value growth, but staying busy enough that you never have to sit still long enough to confront what actually needs to change.

None of these behaviors feel wrong during the moment, if anything, they feel helpful or kind.

But over time, they create a life that doesn’t match the values you believe you’re living by.

That gap creates tension.

And resentment is often just the result of repeatedly violating your own standards.

So if you’ve been feeling out of alignment lately, frustrated, resentful, or walking around with a quiet undercurrent of fuck this, and fuck these people... This is the exercise that’ll help.

Open a document and go category by category:

Work

1. Where am I doing things that aren’t actually my responsibility because it feels easier than delegating or correcting someone?

2. Where am I saying yes to requests I don’t have capacity for because I don’t want to disappoint someone?

3. Where am I frustrated with people for problems I keep stepping in to solve myself?

4. Where am I avoiding clear expectations and then feeling resentful when people don’t meet them?

5. Where am I staying busy instead of addressing the one conversation or decision that would actually move things forward?

Relationships

1. Where am I avoiding conversations to keep the peace instead of being honest about what I need?

2. Where am I expecting someone to change without clearly communicating what isn’t working for me?

3. Where am I saying I’m fine when I’m actually hurt, frustrated, or disappointed?

4. Where am I tolerating behavior that I privately resent but publicly accept?

5. Where am I choosing comfort in the moment over honesty that would improve the relationship long term?

Friendships

1. Where do I consistently leave interactions feeling drained instead of supported?

2. Where am I overextending out of loyalty or guilt instead of genuine desire?

3. Where am I maintaining proximity out of history rather than alignment?

4. Where am I avoiding small boundaries and then feeling resentment build over time?

5. Where am I tolerating behavior I would tell someone I care about not to accept?

Health

1. Where do my daily choices contradict what I say I want for my energy or well-being?

2. Where am I negotiating with commitments I already made to myself?

3. Where am I choosing short-term comfort over habits that would make my life easier long term?

4. Where am I ignoring signals from my body because slowing down feels inconvenient?

5. Where am I expecting motivation instead of relying on consistency?

Time

1. Where does my calendar reflect other people’s priorities more than my own?

2. What am I repeatedly agreeing to that I later resent?

3. Where am I filling space to avoid dealing with something uncomfortable?

4. Where am I saying I don’t have time while continuing to give it away automatically?

5. Where am I spending time in ways that don’t match what I say matters most?

The goal isn’t to judge yourself.

It’s to notice where your behavior and your values stopped matching.

Once you’re clear, the resentment stops feeling random.

Pick one place.

And from there, the question changes.

Not why do I feel stuck?

But:

What am I no longer willing to keep doing?