How To Get Through To Someone Who Won’t Listen

I used to be the chaotic leader we warn you about in our content.

Running on adrenaline, stubbornness, and enough caffeine to kill a small horse.

Back in the “Hurricane Nat” era, the business was a revolving door of fire drills—fueled by sheer grit, a refusal to quit, and my ability to solve bleeding-neck problems like there was a gun to my head.

Our operations were a nightmare.

And because we were building and managing sales teams, the time bomb reset to zero at midnight on the first of every month—and the fuse was always lit.

Somehow, despite it all, our core team would’ve run through a wall for me.

Which is probably why I didn’t see the cost. And why I pushed off addressing it for as long as I did.

Every day, we hear the same questions from people stuck in similar environments:

“My boss is chaos. How do I bring it up?”

“How do I make my manager see what’s happening?”

“Should I try to fix things or find a new job?”

“How do you know when it’s time to leave?”

These aren’t just workplace questions.

They’re pleas for relief.

For me, the wake-up call came in a one-two punch:

A health scare that hit like cold water to the face…

…and two of our top performers sitting me down.

Calmly, they told me the constant stress was bleeding into their families and personal lives.

If it didn’t change, they’d have to put in their notice.

That hit harder than any lost deal.

Because they weren’t just telling me they were struggling at work...

They were telling me I was the cause.

Up until that moment, I thought I was asking people to “rise to the challenge.”

I didn’t see I was asking them to carry a level of chaos that was unsustainable.

What was “no big deal” to me was burning out everyone around me.

And that disconnect between how a leader sees things and how a team feels them? It’s where trust dies.

But—if you want your best shot at breaking through to someone.

Root it in shared values and human needs.

Not because it guarantees action,

but because it’s the only thing that can cut through ego and defensiveness.

Values speak to who someone wants to be, not just what they need to fix.

When you frame the conversation through that lens, you lower the threat level and move it from “attack” to “alignment.”

Here’s what that can look like:

“I know you care about building a team people are proud to be part of. Right now, the pace we’re moving at is making it hard for people to show up for their families—and I don’t think either of us wants that.”

Or, if you’re ready to set a boundary:

“I want to be honest about what the pace and pressure here has been doing to me. Lately, I’m finding it hard to switch off at home. My kids are asking why I’m distracted at dinner. My partner and I are arguing more—and it’s almost always about work. I care about this team and the work we do, and I can’t keep showing up at this cost. I’m willing to help find a better way forward. If the environment doesn’t change, I’ll have to look for a role where I can succeed without burning out.”

That kind of honesty is uncomfortable.

But it’s also undeniable.

When our team came to me, they didn’t talk about metrics or missed targets.

They talked about home life, family, and personal well-being—the things no reasonable human wants to destroy.

I don’t think I would’ve listened if they’d approached it any other way.

You can’t make people change.

But if you can show them the human cost of their choices without shame or ultimatums…

You might give them a reason to want to.